18 Things Every Man Should Take Out Of His Closet And Burn

Each of the 18 articles of clothing on this list has a place, and that place is a trash can.

Some of them are out of date, some of them were always awful. Either way, with this list we're not asking you to go on a shopping spree for the latest duds.

Quite the contrary, this list is just about doing the absolute bare minimum to look like a modern grownup in 2014.

Tie dye everything

Tie dye T-shirts belong at children's birthday parties (where they are hand made) and the far, far recesses of your memory — a hazy, immature, high school memory.

I hope I'm being clear.

Abercrombie and Fitch

Nothing says "I'm an adult" like dressing like you did in 2001.

Tevas

The actual purpose of the Teva as an article of clothing remains unclear. Are they for running? No. Lounging on the beach? Surely there are better shoes for that. Hiking? Wouldn't one want to go with a close-toed shoe for that?

One can only come to the conclusion that these shoes were created to embarrass whoever is wearing them.

And you don't want to embarrass yourself, do you?

Over-sized jackets.

Obama yes. Chris Christie no, no, no.

Whether the jacket is part of a suit or actual outer wear, please keep in mind that the modern man's look is more tailored.

And by tailored we mean it's meant to make you look slim and comfortable, not big and drowning in your own clothes.

Square-toed shoes

We're not sure when these were in style, but they now seem to occupy this vortex where fashion goes into a zombified state and continues to live on after death. Help us make it stop.

Cargo everything

If you don't have important things to put in your pockets — all your pockets — do not wear these. The legs are usually unfashionably wide anyway. This goes for shorts and pants.

Oversized belts

See Jamie's belt? Do not wear Jamie's belt.

Dad jeans

If you are a dad that's really still not an excuse. You can do better.

Board short swim trunks

No one should wear trunks this long anymore guys. And you should absolutely not have pockets that weigh your shorts down and turn them into super low riders.

Get a decent pair of swim trunks that fit around the waist and hit just above the knee.

Trucker hats and beaded necklaces

Since these have been put together so artfully in this picture, we'll address them both at once.

Trucker hats were popular for a dark, thankfully brief, period in American culture. We can all forget that now and move on if we all do it together.

As for beaded necklaces, they're not for grown-ups ... period.

Fedoras

It is highly, highly unlikely that you can pull off a fedora. If you really think you can wear one, ask multiple people (some who love you, some who don't) if you're right.

You're going to need multiple OKs.

Cutoff shirts

No, you cannot wear your cutoff shirt to the gym. It still looks ridiculous.

Beanie hats

Beanie hats are for adorable children and inclement weather. They are not a hat that an adult male should wear indoors.

Hemp jewelry

If you absolutely must keep your hemp jewelry consider it a costume piece only to be worn when you take your little brother to his first Dark Star Orchestra concert.

Graphic tees

First off, whatever it says, it's probably not that funny.

And, unless you belong to a specific subset of hipsters (fine if that's what you're going for), you look like a child.

Reflective/statement sunglasses

You are not Robocop.

And while we're on eye wear — Croakies.

Maybe don't throw these out, just only wear them when you're in the woods. Or fishing. Or running for your life on a really bright day.

Otherwise, no.

Now for some inspiration ...

19 Instagram accounts that will teach you how to dress like a gentleman »

ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7o8HSoqWeq6Oeu7S1w56pZ5ufony2s8uyZKadnqh6p63SoaCopl1nfXKAjHA%3D